I Am NOT Alone with My Jar of Minced Garlic

Even when you're feeling totally alone in the world, Google reminds you that you're not. 

Because somewhere, someone else has the exact same question as you about the jar of minced garlic you finally opened. 

Spaghetti Squash Boat, or Boat Full of Botulism?

I made this.

I pooped a lot afterwards.

Like, the next morning.

I didn't feel sick or anything, but still.

Crushed Red Pepper Flakes: Seasoning of the Gods?

This ingredient has been showing up in so many recipes I've been perusing lately, like this one, this one (which I made), and this one.

It's to the point where I laugh whenever I come across it listed in the ingredients. 

How to Slice an Onion

OK, I've sliced onions before, but I always feel like a moron because I have no idea what I'm doing, and I've resigned myself to the fact I will ALWAYS cry. 

I'm a delicate flower, you know.

The recipe I made the other night called for a "thinly sliced red onion," which sent me to Google to make sure I was on my game.

I thought this video from Real Simple was good. Key word: half moons.



Hope you find it helpful as well!

What Goes Into a Well-Stocked Pantry?

A few months ago when I decided that I was going to do this cooking thing for real, I stocked my pantry because apparently this is a thing. You're supposed to have a well-stocked pantry as a cook.

Now, given the fact that I'm in a studio apartment and I don’t have an actual “pantry,” this was a challenging endeavor.

So I bought this little contraption at Ocean State Job Lot for 20 bucks or so. It’s cute, don’t you think? 

Should You Rinse Your Chicken Before Cooking It?

OK, so this question regarding chicken rinsing causes a lot of debate online. Apparently, the reason why is because most people, at least in the US, rinse their poultry, probably because that's the way people were raised and because Julia Child did it.

My mother rinses. For me, the rinsing itself isn't the problem. IT'S THE FRIGHTENING SCENE THAT HAPPENS POST RINSE THAT HAS SCARRED ME FOR LIFE.

When you rinse chicken in the sink, you need to clean everything in sight afterwards, and my mother is a wild woman with her bleach. To her, Clorox is a verb. She has to Clorox everything and it's very stressful for a germophobe and angsty person like me to watch and eventually replicate on my own.

Light Brown Sugar vs. Dark Brown Sugar: What's the Difference?

Light brown sugar versus dark brown sugar. I've always wondered about this, and I just never bothered to ask or look it up.

UNTIL TODAY.

So basically, your brown sugar is a combination of regular sugar and molasses. 

Who knew? 

The molasses is what darkens the sugar.

So your light brown sugar doesn't have as much (as many?) molasses, and your dark brown sugar does.

Which one should you use? Are they interchangeable?

From what I read, it sounds like it comes down to taste. If you use the dark brown sugar, you're going to have a stronger molasses taste, and if you use the light one, you'll have a lighter taste, so there you go.

I'd say follow the recipe. If it calls for dark, use dark. If it calls for light, use light. But in a pinch, it sounds like you probably can get away with swapping one for the other, if necessary. Just know it might affect the taste a little. Or a lot.

I sound like Julia Childs, don't I? Wait. Is it Child or Childs? I don't even know that. 

[Editor's note: Child]

Should You Rinse Your Pasta After Cooking It?

Ah, to rinse or not to rinse—that is the question, a question that causes much debate. 

I've done my googling and here's what makes sense to me and what I'm going with. 

JOIN ME, MY PEOPLE.

Here is the rule: There are times when you should rinse, and there are times when you shouldn't rinse.

THE END.

Ha, ha. Just kidding.

OK.

Seriously.

If you've ever cooked pasta before, you probably noticed it was sticky after you dumped it in the colander to drain. (And if you're getting ready to cook pasta for the first time, take a close look at the pasta and even feel the pot—AFTER IT HAS COOLED OFF—because you'll feel a sticky residue.)

This is because of the starch.

So should you rinse off that starch—or not?

Well, Starch has a wicked crush on Mr. Sauce. Starch would like to get all good and cozy with Mr. Sauce. So you should leave Starch alone so she can work her magic with Marinara, Alfredo, Prego, and Ragu. 

Work with me here. I'm giving you a little story to help you remember.

So if you're going to sauce your pasta, do not rinse that sucker.

However, if you're making a cold pasta dish—pasta salad, people!—you WILL want to rinse the pasta. This will help stop the pasta from cooking, and it will remove the starch, which you want to do for pasta salad. Otherwise, your pasta will get all gummy and clumpy.

And two words that shouldn't be on a menu, even for an idiot cook like me, are gummy and clumpy.

Although they might make good names for cats.

Here, Gummy! Here, Clumpy!

#noihaventbeendrinking

Also! You should drain any pasta/noodles you plan on using in a stir fry. For the same reason. #youdontwanttogumitup

So, to recap:

• Feeling saucy? Do not rinse your pasta.
• Making pasta salad? Rinse.
• Using noodles in a stir-fry (meaning a wok)? Rinse.

You're welcome.

And you're welcome to disagree. But I need rules, and I need to start somewhere. So this is the somewhere I'm starting at.

Heavy Cream vs. Heavy WHIPPING Cream: Is There a Difference?

Okay, so I've done some googling because I have questions about things, and I know I'm not the only one.

The other week, I had a recipe that called for heavy cream, and when I went to the dairy aisle in my local Stop & Shop, I encountered heavy cream and heavy whipping cream. I wasn't sure if they were the same thing, or if it was just someone's idea of a sick joke to try to confuse me more and defeat me.

I did some googling, and here's the deal with cream. It's all about the milk fat, especially with your heavy creams. Your heavy cream and your heavy whipping cream have 36% milk fat, or so the Google tells me, making them pretty much the same thing. 

However, just plain old whipping cream without the heavy in front of it has 30% milk fat, so it is a little different. One's going to—I guess, I don't know—stay aloft better as you whip it.

Don't ask me which one. I can only give you so much, but that's the difference. 

So heavy whipping cream and heavy cream, 36% milk fat, pretty much the same thing. Plain old "whipping cream" without the "heavy" has less milk fat.  

I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I certainly sound like I do. Anyway, that's what I'm going with.

[Editor's note: heavy cream and heavy whipping cream will hold its shape better than just "whipping cream." Save the half-and-half for coffee or for recipes that specifically call for it.]

Hiiii Green Thingy Inside the Garlic Clove

Okay, here's what I just learned about garlic, because I've been doing my googling.

When you go to the market, you can usually count on the garlic bulbs being fresh. Because most normal people (which excludes me, obvs) go through garlic quickly, so the turnover is good. You want a firm bulb. That’s all I got.

But what about the actual clove of garlic? Here’s what I learned! It should have a purplish hue. See the image and my once-a-year-painted fingernails (holler to the holidays!).

Let’s just say my garlic rarely has the purplish hue. I buy a bulb of garlic and it sits for days weeks months. (ADMIT IT: YOU FEEL ME.)

Getting to Know Your Oven. What Fresh Hell Is This?

When I first moved into my current apartment, I was like, "I'm going to learn to cook."

I had some old standby recipes (lol, we're talking two) that I've actually done before and felt okay about, and I was just cooking for me, so I could start with those and build from there.

Anyway, the oven didn't work. Well, it worked, but it was too hot. As in 500 million degrees too hot, give or take a few million.

I didn't figure this out right away.

The Surprise You Get When You Look Up “How Do I Thaw Frozen Spinach?”

I made this baked ziti with spinach. 

I didn't die. 

I didn't get sick. 

This, at the moment, is my measurement of culinary success. 

It was tasty. I recommend it.

But I'm not here to post a recipe. This is about a certain step in the recipe that will demonstrate WHY I get so frustrated with cooking. So you're going to hear all about my frustration and maybe learn something along with me.

First, here is my big issue with recipes in general. This particular recipe, in theory, should have taken me 15 minutes of prep and then a half hour of cooking, so we're talking 45 minutes.

BUT IT NEVER WORKS THAT WAY. 

Why? 

Because I am an idiot and don't know what I'm doing. They should include TWO times: the one for people who have a clue about cooking and the one for the rest of us who need to read the recipe ten zillion times, have a nervous breakdown, and google steps within the recipe in order to figure things out. The googling takes time, people. Even if you don't fall down a rabbit hole, the googling takes time. 

Here's a perfect example from this recipe. You have to use a 10 ounce package of frozen spinach, thawed. Okay, sounds simple, right? Frozen spinach. That's supposed to make life easier. But then I thought about it and was like "Hmm. Do I know how to thaw frozen spinach? Let's make sure I'm clear on that."