Last week, I wrote that I have a theory.
A conspiracy theory.
The one where the Smarty Pants Cooks are out to mess with us Idiot Cooks.
Now, I present you with Exhibit B...
Showing posts with label Idiocy vs. insanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Idiocy vs. insanity. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Saturday, March 11, 2017
The Mystery of the Second Thinly Sliced Apple
I have a theory.
A conspiracy theory.
One so much bigger than political shadow governments because it's so much more insidious.
And it involves ME.
Listen, I am an Idiot Cook. I own the title. I am working on reforming myself, but I will always be an Idiot Cook. I like to think that most people—even the Smarty Pants Chefs out there—are rooting for me. But now I believe I'm wrong. Because the evidence is mounting.
Allow me to introduce Exhibit A...
A conspiracy theory.
One so much bigger than political shadow governments because it's so much more insidious.
And it involves ME.
Listen, I am an Idiot Cook. I own the title. I am working on reforming myself, but I will always be an Idiot Cook. I like to think that most people—even the Smarty Pants Chefs out there—are rooting for me. But now I believe I'm wrong. Because the evidence is mounting.
Allow me to introduce Exhibit A...
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Cooking & Trust Issues
Knock, knock. Any shrinks out there?
Have some fun with THIS.
See the image below?
Note the expiration date: 3/15/17. (Yes, beware the Ides of March. Very good. I'm impressed.)
Note the date on this blog post: 2/28/17.
PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY I DO NOT TRUST THIS BUTTER.
Seriously, I have this thing with expiration dates, likely making up for the fact my mother has canned food squirreled away in the basement from 1987 and insists "it's fine, it's fine" and then she wonders why her body is falling apart.
What do I think has happened? The time stamp is wrong? Someone LIED? It's a conspiracy and the maintenance guy sneaked into my apartment and messed with the date or did something to the butter?
Intellectually, I KNOW the butter is fine.
But my lizard brain is like, NOPE. Too close to butter-end-times. Do NOT eat it or you will get sick and die.
What's funny is that last November, right before Thanksgiving, I checked the date on the bottom of a tub of butter in my fridge and posted a little ditty on Facebook lamenting the expiration date because it was 1/20/17 (think about it) and then suddenly it's February and I'm questioning why the butter tastes a little funny and then I realize I'm eating BUTTER THAT HAS EXPIRED and wonder if the universe is getting all political now, too.
And yet.
I can't bring myself to eat this butter.
Am I an idiot cook, or an insane one?
#dontanswerthat
Have some fun with THIS.
See the image below?
Note the expiration date: 3/15/17. (Yes, beware the Ides of March. Very good. I'm impressed.)
Note the date on this blog post: 2/28/17.
PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY I DO NOT TRUST THIS BUTTER.
Seriously, I have this thing with expiration dates, likely making up for the fact my mother has canned food squirreled away in the basement from 1987 and insists "it's fine, it's fine" and then she wonders why her body is falling apart.
What do I think has happened? The time stamp is wrong? Someone LIED? It's a conspiracy and the maintenance guy sneaked into my apartment and messed with the date or did something to the butter?
Intellectually, I KNOW the butter is fine.
But my lizard brain is like, NOPE. Too close to butter-end-times. Do NOT eat it or you will get sick and die.
What's funny is that last November, right before Thanksgiving, I checked the date on the bottom of a tub of butter in my fridge and posted a little ditty on Facebook lamenting the expiration date because it was 1/20/17 (think about it) and then suddenly it's February and I'm questioning why the butter tastes a little funny and then I realize I'm eating BUTTER THAT HAS EXPIRED and wonder if the universe is getting all political now, too.
And yet.
I can't bring myself to eat this butter.
Am I an idiot cook, or an insane one?
#dontanswerthat
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