WHY I FIND COOKING STRESSFUL: IT'S A CONSPIRACY

Listen, I know it's been a while.

I've actually had many blog posts in mind because A) I've been cooking more and B) I'VE BEEN COOKING WITH A BOY.

Which can be its own stress. That's for another blog post.

Today, let's consider a conspiracy I stumbled on in the dressing aisle at my local Market Basket.

Exhibit A

Exact same dressing, right? I bought the one on the left a few months ago. I've been eating lots of salads, and I like this dressing because it doesn't have a ton of sodium compared to others.

I bought the one on the right today because, as you can see, I'm almost out.

I keep this dressing in my little pantry because THE BOTTLE TOLD ME IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE REFRIGERATED.

Now for Exhibit B...

Can you see the issue here?

The one on the left says DOES NOT REQUIRE REFRIGERATION.

The one on the right says REFRIGERATE AFTER OPENING.

Also, upon closer inspection, this "classic" oil and vinegar dressing has changed slightly (in the ingredients and amounts, which perhaps spurred the need to refrigerate now? I have no idea how these things work, but you'd think the bottle might say something like "Improved recipe, same great taste," just to warn people).

In the new bottle, the fat and carbs have gone down, and the sodium has gone up, and it's for the same serving of two tablespoons, although my old bottle considers two tablespoons 30 grams and the new bottle considers two tablespoons 31 grams and that somehow seems wrong to me, but I almost failed chemistry in high school and still contend high school chemistry and home ec should be combined so that you can learn practical skills (cooking) while understanding the science behind things like tablespoon measurements and how they change due to density or viscosity or because x=pi. (For the record, the calories remain the same in both bottles.)

I'm obsessive about these things, so I check labels a million times about refrigeration, and I almost had a heart attack when I saw this label on the new bottle and suddenly thought I'D BEEN STORING THE OTHER BOTTLE WRONG ALL THESE MONTHS AND THAT I WAS ABOUT TO DIE AS A RESULT.

I feel like the NewmansOwn.com people have some 'splaining to do...