Cooking Conspiracy Theory: Exhibit B

Last week, I wrote that I have a theory.

A conspiracy theory.

The one where the Smarty Pants Cooks are out to mess with us Idiot Cooks.

Now, I present you with Exhibit B...

First, some backstory. 

I love coffee. 

When I moved into this apartment complex nine years ago, I got a Cuisinart coffeemaker, one of those programmable, alarm-clock-setting, self-cleaning things. I eventually abandoned it when I got a Keurig for Christmas one year.

But the Keurig always freaked me out a little with the whole how-do-you-REALLY-keep-it-clean issues, not to mention all the waste from the plastic K-cups.

So when I embarked on this Idiot Cook thing last fall, I decided to scrap the Keurig and return to a regular ol' coffee maker.

I got myself a little Mr. Coffee.

Cute, right? Perfect for my studio apartment with tight counter space.

But then I encountered an issue: it had been a while since I'd made coffee. You know, actually measuring out the right amount etc.

I realize making coffee is somewhat of a "taste" thing, but there are rules of thumb regarding the math and an Idiot Cook needs to start somewhere.

I pored over the directions that came with my little coffee maker.

And then I landed on THIS page. 

You get my issue? No? Let me highlight it. Notice the scoop amount for two cups of coffee is more than the scoop amount for 5 cups.

Now, I suck at math. I seriously stood looking at this thing for 10 minutes trying to puzzle it out. I had to be reading it wrong.

Right?

But I don't think I am.

I think it's all part of the conspiracy, the little mind games the People Who Know How to Brew the Perfect Cup of Coffee are playing. Yes, these people have obviously teamed up with the Smarty Pants Chefs.

The conspiracy is growing!!!

Resist, Idiot Cooks!!!

BTW: I use a little over 2 coffee scoops for 4 cups of coffee (meaning I pour water until it reaches the line marked 4 on the water reservoir). This seems to work for my taste. I'll do a little more if I know the coffee I'm using isn't strong.

Speaking of which, I've been trying different types of coffee, and here's my current fave (judge--I don't care). 

This whole post has reminded me that I'm long overdue to clean my little coffee maker, which is going to stress me out, but I'll at least get to use the white vinegar that's been sitting forever in my well-stocked pantry. Because—LOL—what else would I use it for?

Questions:

1. Am I reading that stupid chart wrong? If yes, explain as if I'm a five-year-old.
2. Do you brew your own coffee? What's your current favorite? Share.
3. Any tricks beyond flushing out the little coffee maker with the white vinegar (I'm following the directions in the pamphlet even though I obviously shouldn't trust them!)?